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Radio Show
Subversion
A radio station was running a competition
– words that weren’t in the dictionary
yet could still be used in a sentence that would
make logical sense. The prize was a trip to
Bali.
DJ: “96 FM here, what’s
your name?”
Caller: “Hi, my name’s
Dave.”
DJ: “Dave, what’s
your word?”
Caller: “Goan... spelt
G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.”
DJ: “You are correct,
Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary.
Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you
use that word in that would make sense?”
Caller: “Goan fuck yourself!”
The DJ cut the caller off and took
other calls, all unsuccessful until:
DJ: “96 FM, what’s
your name?”
Caller: “Hi, me name’s
Jeff.”
DJ: “Jeff, what’s
your word?”
Caller: “Smee, spelt
S-M-E-E, pronounced ‘smee’.”
DJ: “You are correct,
Jeff, ‘smee’ is not in the dictionary.
Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you
use that word in that would make sense?”
Caller: “Smee again!
Goan fuck yourself!”?
(Originally seen at: http://www.rawilson.com/jokes.shtml)
10
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER:
1.
No, YOU assume the position, Piggy.
2. How long is
this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
3. If I bend over,
will I still get a ticket?
4. No, I don’t
know how fast I was going. The little needle
stops at 110.
5. Back off Barney,
I’ve got a piece.
6. You’ll
never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!
7. Come on, write
the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes.
8. I’m surprised
you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1
special.
9. Hey, wasn’t
your daughter a pork queen?
10. What
do you use those rubber gloves for?
How to sack
people
An executive was in a quandary.
He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had
narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra
or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make,
as they were both equally qualified and both
did excellent work. He finally decided that
in the morning whichever one used the water
cooler first would have to go. Debra came in
the next morning, hugely hungover after partying
all night. She went to the cooler to get some
water to take an aspirin and the executive approached
her and said: “Debra, I’ve never done
this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off.”
Debra replied, “Could you jack off, I have
a terrible headache.”
(From: http://www.humouruk.com/)
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>
Urgent
Project
A project manager
and two programmers are working on an urgent
project. One day they decide to walk to the
nearby beach during their lunch hour.
Halfway up the
beach, they stumble upon a lamp. As they rub
the lamp a genie appears and says “normally
I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there
are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish.”
One of the programmers
goes first: “I’d like to spend the
rest of my life living in Hawaii, in a huge
house, with no money worries and surrounded
by beautiful women who worship me.” The
genie grants his wish and sends him off to Hawaii.
The other programmer
goes next: “I would like to spend the rest
of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the
Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded
by beautiful women who worship me.” The
genie grants his wish and sends him to the Mediterranean.
Then it’s
the project manager’s turn. “And what
would your wish be?” asks the genie.
“I want them both back after lunch”
replies the project manager.
Back to Top >
Grocery
Store Joke
A man went into a grocery store,
got 3 cans of dog food, and walked up to the
checkout counter. The cashier asks the man,
“Sir, do you own a dog?”
The man replies, “yes I do.”
The cashier then asks, “do you have the
dog with you?”
The man replies, “no, I left it at home.”
The cashier then says, “I’m sorry,
but I can’t sell you this dog food unless
I see your dog.”
A few days later the man walks into
the same store, gets 3 cans of cat food, and
walks up to the checkout counter. The same cashier
asks, “Sir, do you own a cat?”
The man replies, “yes I do.”
The cashier then asks, “do you have your
cat with you?”
And the man replies, “no, I left it at
home.”
Then the cashier says, “I’m sorry,
but I can’t sell you this cat food unless
I see your cat.”
A few days later the man walks into
the store, this time carrying a paper bag. He
walks up to the same cashier, and asks him to
put his hand into the bag. The cashier says,
“it feels warm, soft, and gooey.”
The man then says, “now, can I go back
and get 3 rolls of toilet paper?”
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