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Naive Question:
If TV reflects real-life concerns,
why do crime shows outnumber dentistry
shows by a thousand to one?
Foolish Answer:
Exactly! And why do TV shows never
feature landlords or bankers?
Naive Question:
Nobody seems to care when neighbours’
burglar alarms go off. Would it help to
restore our sense of civic duty if the
alarms had a louder, more piercing sound?
Foolish Answer:
Research indicates there would be
an increase in violent incidents due to
noise-related stress.
Naive Question:
Is food safe?
Foolish Answer:
If manufacturers can’t prevent traces
of nuts getting into food, then what other
contaminants can get in? To restore public
faith in the honesty of the food producers,
warning labels should be extended to say:
“may contain traces of nuts, rat faeces,
rat urine, rat parts, dead insects, live
insects, human effluvia, human skin, human
hair, toenails, fingernails and assorted
dormant and active bacteria of known and
unknown origin.”
Naive Question:
Should we teach children to
be competitive (putting self first), or
to be considerate (putting others first)?
Foolish Answer:
Both. Then we should teach them the
importance of behavioural consistency.
Naive Question:
Are money makers the real heroes
of society?
Foolish Answer:
“Making money” shouldn’t be confused
with “creating wealth”. Real wealth is
what supports and enhances human life,
whereas money is just numbers in a database.
Many wealth creators (inventors, artists,
mothers, etc) are penniless, and many
money makers are useless bloodsuckers.
Naive Question:
Are banks friendly, like in
the adverts?
Foolish Answer:
Banks make large profits from “unauthorised
overdraft” charges. Credit card companies
make large profits from “late payment”
fees. But they tell us not to go overdrawn
or pay late. So they’re fucking with our
heads while they rob us blind. But otherwise
they’re friendly.
Naive Question:
Is it really cheating if athletes
use performance-enhancing substances?
Foolish Answer:
Only if the substances are ingested.
It’s not considered cheating to enhance
performance with anything worn or surgically
implanted (muscle grafts, organ transplants,
bionic limbs, etc).
Naive Question:
Why have breakfast cereals adopted
sensible names (eg “Sustain”, “Perfect
Balance”, “Just Right” and “Advantage”)?
Foolish Answer:
Because marketing consultants determined
that 51% of cereal consumers have anal
fixations about diet, health and fitness.
Watch out for forthcoming name changes:
Bran Flakes to “Nice ’n’ Regular”
and Frosties to “Blood-Glucose
Boost”.
Naive Question:
Why are there so many beggars
in a booming economy like Britain?
Foolish Answer:
It pays more, and humiliates less,
than work in telesales.
Naive Question: Is
there anything bad about full employment?
Foolish
Answer: Not if you’re happy
to condemn half the population to minimum-wage
slavery, flushing creative potential down
the economic toilet, so a politician can
tell the country how prudent he is. Or
to quote Henry Hazlitt: “Hitler provided
full employment. Prisons and chain gangs
have full employment. Coercion can always
provide full employment.”
Naive Question:
How much does it cost to create
a job?
Foolish Answer: The New Deal
cost over £5bn, and has created 50,000
jobs which otherwise wouldn’t exist. That
means each job created cost the taxpayer
£100,000.
Naive Question: If
labour-saving technology is getting better
and cheaper, why are corporate employees
working longer hours?
Foolish
Answer: Because they’re slaves.
Naive Question:
Is it true that hard work never
hurt anybody?
Foolish Answer:
According to a government report (Mental
Health & Stress in the Workplace), working
over 48hrs per week doubles the risk of
coronary heart disease.
Naive Question:
Why do successful business people
want less regulation and smaller government?
Foolish Answer:
Ironically, big business depends on
a complex legal framework and a powerful
state apparatus (to enforce the laws under
which businesses and lawyers prosper).
Business people don’t really want less
regulation and smaller government – they
just want less state interference in their
own activities. They’re quite happy
to see everybody else (particularly the
less well off) be regulated and controlled.
Many business people love the US system,
where the government is powerful enough
to fill the prisons with millions of relatively
harmless people who are then available
to corporations as cheap, captive labour.
Naive Question:
Is unemployment high or low
at the moment?
Foolish Answer:
When governments talk about their
performance in managing the economy, unemployment
is “low”. But when they talk of “cracking
down on dependency culture” or “getting
tough on the workshy”, unemployment is
“high”.
Naive Question: Why
is welfare spending so high?
Foolish
Answer: The total yearly UK
welfare budget is £99bn. Roughly half
of that goes on pensions. The amount spent
on pensions is increasing because the
population is getting older. Only £5bn
is spent annually on unemployment benefits.
The amount spent on unemployment decreased
by £1bn over the last year. As a cost
comparison, bear in mind that a new British-US
fighter plane has a development price-tag
of £250bn.
Naive Question:
Why should people get pensions?
Foolish Answer:
The cost of state pensions is huge,
yet there is widespread poverty amongst
old people. Many elderly people are able-bodied,
so let’s put them to work. There’s no
excuse for laziness and dependence – if
they can use a phone or walk a dog, they
can take jobs in telesales or supermarket
trolley shepherding.
Naive Question:
Who really wants strong leaders?
Foolish Answer:
Only sexually repressed people want
strong leaders (according to psychologists).
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