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Like the government,
we're deeply concerned about the number
of unemployed people sitting around
at home all day doing nothing.
Fortunately, our team of dedicated experts
has come up with a solution, the Scheme
for Full Employment. This will be
sent to government officials and media
outlets. Here are its main findings...
Scheme for Full Employment
Recommends that:
1.
Jobless people be employed as security
guards
1. in
their own homes.
2. They have
official-looking uniforms.
Benefits:
•
Reduces the number of unemployed.
• They no longer
sit around all day doing nothing.
• Instead,
they sit around all day maintaining
the
•
security of the premises.
• Fosters social
responsibility.
• Increases self-respect
(from wearing nice uniform).
• Develops skill-set.
• Reduces neighbourhood
crime/terrorism.
Alternative role:
• For those who
prefer not to be security guards, we
• recommend
employment as Home Administrators.
Funding:
• To be funded
by the government (ie public funding).
Why should the government fund it? Well,
the government already spends billions
of pounds of public money funding job
creation – eg schemes such as the
New Deal, Regional Selective Assistance
Grants, etc. Why not go a small step
further to fight the evil of unemployment?
And, anyway, would you prefer public
funding of idleness? Surely it's
better to fund respectable jobs.
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"Home
security guards?"
Frequently Asked Questions
Q:
Won't these jobs be totally pointless?
A: Tell that
to the security guards working at your
local grocery.
Q:
But there's no market demand for such
jobs?
A:
Don't you want to see this country
have lower unemployment than France?
Q:
But why security guards?
A:
The security sector is growing. Even small
village shops now employ security guards.
Q:
Why's that? Has the risk of crime increased?
A: Er... next
question...
Q: Won't
it cost too much?
A:
It's a small cost for showing the success
of... er... market reforms in reducing
unemployment.
Q:
Shouldn't jobs be provided by the market?
A:
Who cares as long as the press report
falling unemployment.
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