[Copy and paste the text below into communications with your Member of Parliament]
Like the government, we're deeply concerned about the number of unemployed people sitting around at home all day doing nothing.
Fortunately, our team of dedicated experts has come up with a solution, the Scheme for Full Employment. This will be sent to government officials and media outlets. Here are its main findings...
Recommends that:
1. Jobless people be employed as security guards in their own homes.
2. They have official-looking uniforms.
Benefits:
• Reduces the number of unemployed.
• They no longer sit around all day doing nothing. Instead, they sit around all day maintaining the security of the premises.
• Fosters social responsibility.
• Increases self-respect (from wearing nice uniform).
• Develops skill-set.
• Reduces neighbourhood crime/terrorism.
Alternative role:
• For those who prefer not to be security guards, we recommend employment as Home Administrators.
Funding:
• To be funded by the government (ie public funding).
Why should the government fund it? Well, the government already spends billions of pounds of public money funding job creation – eg schemes such as the New Deal, Regional Selective Grants, etc. Why not go a small step further to fight the evil of unemployment?
And, anyway, would you prefer public funding of idleness? Surely it's better to fund respectable jobs.
Q: Won't these jobs be totally pointless?
A: Tell that to the security guards working at
your local grocery.
Q: But there's no market demand for such
jobs?
A: Don't you want to see this
country have lower unemployment than France?
Q: But why security guards?
A: The security sector is growing.
Even small village shops now employ security guards.
Q: Why's that? Has the risk of crime
increased?
A: Er... next question...
Q: Won't it cost too much?
A: It's a small cost for showing the
success of... er... market reforms in reducing unemployment.
Q: Shouldn't jobs be provided by the
market?
A: Who cares as long as the press
report falling unemployment.
This document is a plain text/printable version of www.anxietyculture.com/scheme.htm.